Query Letters, A How Not To

Working on my agent query letter.  Since this is my first, I’m not sure which direction to take.  This should work:

Dear Mr. Pringlebottom,

As you can see above, I am very creative. I have already crafted a nickname for you, since we will be great friends.

Anyways chum, I have written a novel, which once you read, you will be sure to shout ‘Huzzah!’, and shower me in accolades and filthy lucre.

Speaking of novels, how great was Fight Club? I can hear you now, saying, “I know, right?” I mean, Tyler Durden, what a fox. This novel is nothing like that one, just so you know. I just wanted to point out that I really like that book.

As for my novel, rest assured when I tell you it will knock your socks off, assuming you wear socks. Maybe it’s some sort of support hose. Maybe it’s stockings. Sexy.

So, there you go. To sum up, Fight Club – great, my novel – great (possibly better – you may want to sleep with me after you read it, please try to control yourself, Pringlebottom, for the sake of our friendship), stockings – sexy.

I Love You,

Clayton Snyder

5 thoughts on “Query Letters, A How Not To

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